STALKER

i made awesome possum sushi!

happy to report...

I AM HAPPY!

today is the day the roads become a lil more dangerous and pedestrians and cars have to keep a huge lookout! cos missy here has FINALLY PASSED DRIVING!!! -huge sense of relieve n well, pure happiness. i got lucky with the tester but hey! im loving it! got my lisense!!!!!

today is the first time in days... months... ive felt truly a sense of joy.

everything seems to be moving along better now. yes, the apprehensions are still there but oh, the road seems clearer.

my heart skips a beat at the future and what it holds. i feel that excitment again! gosh.. this is life, yes!

im finishing this degree at year's end and i couldnt have finished it sooner. im so glad i'd be outta here next year. but i'll just hv to see where next year brings me.

and in all these... im not forgetting to THANK GOD!

& of course, ive FINALLY (i say FINALLY in 2 months) seen a slight (albeit tiny) improvement in the weighing scale! FINALLY! anyone with weight loss problems should know how that feels like.

p.s. i only feel motivated to blog when im feeling either extreme of the mood scale. how? i dont blog funny or interesting but i'll hv a photolog soon! MUAS!

pensive.

you do know  ur life needs a little direction when you're playing waka waka on fb early in the morning and refusing to butt an inch to switch off that electric blanket that's baking you from below. u think that a bowl of cheerios, left over eggplant-2 days old, cherries and a red rock chips might make u feel better on this saturday morning.but all they serve to do is put a sick feeling to your mouth and stomach; readying you to purge.

life must be more than waking in the mornings, running off to uni and trying your darn hardest to attain happiness. i so miss the days i deeply believed so hard; too hard in something- however wayward or extreme it might have been.i am in limbo. neither completely on either side; rocking back and forth in the wind and seas. maybe this was what the bible was speaking of. i want to search within me a being that would become alive and believe in something again.

my friend was just confiding in me his apprehensions about starting a business in singapore and i found myself telling him "belief in something is so important, if you dont believe in it, it'll never work". i spewed those exact words that i dont subcribe to. my confidence is low and i cannot bring myself to believe in a dream that i want so badly, or even to get over the present. unable to convince myself that i'm smart, intelligible, likeable enough, i back down to a shell that concedes to letting "fate take it's course". a cowardice stance indeed.

i want to help people, better lives, make my mark in this world more than a single word of existence. i actually feel deeply unsatisfied.

i want happiness to come to me, not striving to look for it- that in itself has never worked for me. i cant remember a time i was so truly happy anymore. 5 years on, and im missing someone so close to my heart dearly. i wish i could have a time machine to turn back time, or simply to forget.

she will learn

she'll be taught that over means and is over.

but funny how the mind decides otherwise.

again and again, the fairytale scenes emerge,

only to be brought back down to earth.

but she will learn that fault did not lie solely on her and most importantly, to forget.

// and finally she'll learn she's been so dumb, stupid, totally unaware of the happiness laid out ahead.

dear whosoevas, I AM BACK! from sydney and from SKIING! omg.omg.omg SKIING IS SOOO FUN!!! i can now proudly say, im conquering all beginner's slopes. haha. ouchx7742830 times. but OH-SO-FUN! oh-em-gee FUN!

will upload some photos sooon!

finally really snowing on the third day:

bundled up warmly skiing:

catch a snowflake on your tongue!: